The Art of Falling Apart
by The Mad Hattress
Summary: Based around Seiya and mental illness (mainly of Schizophrenia). It will gradually be a light Kakyuu/Seiya shoujo-ai fanfic. It shows the darker effects of the disorder. Alternate Universe
1. Zyprexa

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The Art of Falling Apart

By: Ashma Daeva

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Note/Disclaimer: Everything in _italics_ are characters thoughts. I own none of the Sailormoon characters.  
**Warnings:** Alternate Universe **|** Shoujo-ai [Kakyuu/Seiya] **|** Mild Language **|** Insanity-provoked

* * *  
Chapter 001 | **[**Zyprexa**]  
*** * *

  
"Ms. Kakyuu," the older woman murmured to herself, skimming her eyes over the application one last time. "Do you have any sort of nursing skills?" The red-haired woman nodded quickly in response.  
  
"I worked in the psychiatric portion of the local hospital, ma'am," she said in her soft voice. The woman looked up from the rims of her glasses.   
  
"So you're used to be around the mentally ill?" Kakyuu god a devious gleam in her eyes.  
  
"Ma'am," she said lowly. "I don't believe they're ill in the least." The woman lifted an eyebrow. "I believe that they're geniuses."   
  
"And why do you think they're geniuses?"  
  
"Because, ma'am, they can feel things that are so unnoticed on an object. They can hear things that no sane person can possibly hear from a certain distance. They think so complexly. They're not ill. The only thing that's happened to their poor souls is the fact that their senses have been sharpened," she said defiantly. The woman felt a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.   
  
"Have you ever worked around anybody with schizophrenia?" Kakyuu shook her head and sighed, a mix if hesitance and shame in her voice.  
  
"No, ma'am. However, I have worked around one individual who had schizotypal personality disorder," Kakyuu said quietly.   
  
"Schizotypal disorder is pretty close to schizophrenia." Kakyuu raised her red eyes to meet the woman's blue ones. "Ms. Kakyuu, you may start your job tomorrow. You are assigned to hall 4-A. That hall is reserved for patients with schizotypal, schizoid, and schizophrenia disorders. However," she said, looking Kakyuu directly in the eyes. "There is one patient who is quite chronic." Kakyuu nodded in understanding. The woman rolled her chair to the filing cabinet, pulling open the drawer labeled '4-A'.   
  
"Which does he have?"  
  
"It's a she," the woman said. "And it's schizophrenia." She pulled out a few pieces of paper that were paperclipped together. She tossed the paper onto her desk in front of Kakyuu and shut the file cabinet, locking it with her key. Kakyuu curiously glanced at the front piece of paper and picked it up off the desk. She scanned her eyes over the mug shots of the young girl who looked as if she were droning off when the picture was taken. Droning off so much to the point the pad with her name and number on it had to be held up for her. "Patient number 02385, Seiya Kou." Kakyuu nodded, running the tip of her maroon-painted fingernail over the frown that married the girl's lips in the picture. "Suffers from chronic schizophrenia."  
  
"Paranoid schizophrenia?" The woman shook her head in response.   
  
"Usual schizophrenia. The main thing that ends up driving her mad it what she hears." Kakyuu lifted an elegant red eyebrow.  
  
"Hears?"  
  
"Well," the woman began. "Thinks she hears. What she hears in her head that seems to coming to her from the 'outside world' around her." Kakyuu nodded, licking her cherry-red lips.  
  
"Is she in any sort of therapy?" The woman nodded.  
  
"And she takes medication daily."   
  
"It's a shame, really," Kakyuu said. "That there truly can never be a cure to general schizophrenia." 

* * *

__

Worthless. Midnight blue eyes stared flatly at the opposing white, plaster wall. The wall that told the tales of a few other lost souls that were there before. _You never were useful for anything._   
  
"Hush," she murmured lightly, placing her fingertips over her right temple.  
  
_Really, how do you put up with yourself?_   
  
"I…"   
  
_What's wrong? Can't answer?  
  
_"Stop it," she weakly muttered. "Stop it right now."  
  
_Give me one good reason why I shouldn't loom over you._ Seiya looked around the room, sheer confusion creeping on her face, as she saw nobody. She stared at the flowing curtain that blew steadily in the wind. She shakily stood up from her position on the white tiled floor. She stepped her foot forward with her right foot and looked down, almost mesmerized by the black blurb that appeared on the polished floor from her straggly mane of hair. "Must be my soul," she muttered to herself and began erratically walking to the window. She put her hands down on the windowsill and scanner her eyes over the courtyard where nurses were pampering several almost-hissing patients that were fidgeting in their powder white straight jackets. She ground her teeth together and leaned out the window. "**All of you shut up and stop tormenting me! All of you!**" She growled to herself and slammed the window shut.  
  
_Poor child._ Seiya whimpered and covered her ears.  
  
"Just go away!"  
  
_Go away? _A harsh laughter rang in Seiya's ears. Laughter equaled to one who scrapes their nails down a chalkboard. _Stupid. I'm with you no matter where you run. _  
  
"No," she said weakly. She dug her fingers in her hair and shook her head rapidly. "Get away!" she screamed. She slipped down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest. "Just go away."  
  
_Go shoot yourself and maybe I'll consider leaving your body the way it is._ Seiya moaned lightly in a twinge of what she thought was pain running through her body, wringing her muscles, and chipping away at her bones.   
  
"For the love of God, leave me be…"  
  
_I am God. _Seiya made a pitiful sound.  
  
"No, no, stop it, stop it. Leave me be, that's all I ask…"  
  
_So pathetic of you._ Seiya shuddered, her muscles tensing. She closed her eyes, and numbly dropped her arms to her side, her hands lazily resting on the cold floor.

"What is it about me," she murmured before drifting off into a medicated sleep.

*~*~*  
  
Well, this chapter is done. Review, people. Let me know what you think.


	2. Breakable{Removable}

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The Art of Falling Apart

By: Ashma Daeva

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Note/Disclaimer: Everything in _italics_ are characters thoughts. I own none of the Sailormoon characters.  
**Warnings:** Alternate Universe **|** Shoujo-ai [Kakyuu/Seiya] **|** Mild Language **|** Insanity-provoked

* * *  
Chapter 002 | **[**Breakable{Removable}**]  
*** * *

Kakyuu gently knocked on Seiya's door, letting the smaller, emotionally fragile girl know she was coming in. She put the key into the doorknob and unlocked it, slowly pushing the door open. "Seiya?" she asked quietly, scanning her red eyes over the room, the morning sunlight pouring through the glass of the window. She smiled lightly when she saw Seiya curled up into a ball; her knees pulled tightly to her chest. Kakyuu walked into the room completely and shut the door behind herself with a soft 'click'.   
  
"Seiya, wake up," she said, her voice raising from its usual softness. Kakyuu walked across the room and kneeled next to Seiya. She licked her lips for a second before squinting and tilting her head slightly to catch a better glimpse of Seiya's face, examining the pained expression etched across her face. She hesitantly reached a pale hand out and brushed a lock of black hair from Seiya's cheek. "Sei-"  
  
"I hear you, and I was not sleeping," Seiya growled out as she snapped her eyes open. She glared coldly at Kakyuu. "Do you **STUPID **nurses **NOT** understand the fact that I am **BUSY**?!" Kakyuu's expression went from gentle to shocked.   
  
"Busy doing what, may I ask?"  
  
"Listening." Kakyuu blinked.  
  
"Listening?" Seiya nodded slowly in response to the question.   
  
"To them." Kakyuu bit her lip for a moment.  
  
"Who exactly, Seiya, is 'them'?" Seiya blinked, confusion portrayed in her eyes.  
  
"You can't see them?" Kakyuu shook her head. "They're all around. Standing before you, next to you, behind you. They're everywhere. Speaking to me, telling me their hidden secrets."   
  
"Come now, Seiya," Kakyuu said, grabbing Seiya's arm. Seiya made a sound that sounded like a kitten's whine and jerked her arm out of Kakyuu's grip.  
  
"Don't touch me!" She glared pitifully at Kakyuu, moaning for a brief moment and placing her hand over her temple. "Just go away!" Kakyuu sighed.   
  
"Seiya, please?"  
  
"**Go away!**" Kakyuu opened her mouth to protest, only to be silenced with a harsh slap. She opened her eyes and put one of her hands to her reddening cheeks. Her glare was cold.   
  
"Seiya," she said flatly. "Let's go. Right now." Seiya looked at her briefly with fathomless regret before standing up. Kakyuu stood to her feet as well, grabbing Seiya's hand. "Please, Seiya. I know you feel confused, but please, learn to accept me around you, wont you?"   
  
"Fine," the younger girl said in a flat monotone voice as Kakyuu opened the door. Seiya's eyes scanned the hallway. "I've lost my mind haven't I?" Kakyuu bit her lip for a moment.  
  
"No, Seiya," she said softly. "You haven't lost your mind at all. You're just… too sensitive to some things, and quite ill."  
  
"Ill?" Seiya repeated bleakly, her eyes staring straightforward, walking down the hall numbly. "Ill… My body feels fine," she said. Kakyuu sighed to herself.  
  
"Don't worry yourself of it."  
  
"I don't worry of anything," Seiya responded right away, not even considering the words she spoke. "I don't care of anybody, anything. I don't even care of myself."  
  
"And why is that?" Kakyuu questioned, almost willing herself to dig through her patient's head. However, Seiya didn't respond. She simply walked for what seemed manually, avoiding other lagging patients whom glared everybody and anything in their path, clinging to the wall for their only comfort. Kakyuu quickly glanced at them, briefly wondering where all the other nurses were. She just sighed and told Seiya to make a right into the next hallway.   
  
_She seems so sane to me, but she's not in her head. She seems to hear things, do what they say, or allow them to degrade her until she does something unbelievable and chaotic or just downright stupid. She obviously sees things too, because every now and then I'll see her shudder as if seen something gruesome and see her eyes wander the something that's simply not there. Nothing there… except the soft breeze. That's what's there. Nothing less, nothing more.  
  
_"I curse you," Seiya spat out. Kakyuu shook her head to clear her thoughts and glanced at Seiya.   
  
"Excuse me?" Seiya shifted her eyes to Kakyuu and stopped walked.   
  
"I curse you," she repeated in the worst venomous voice Kakyuu had ever heard.   
  
"Seiya, what…" Kakyuu trailed off, staring into Seiya's cold, empty eyes.   
  
"Shut up! I curse you! They curse you! How dare you intrude upon me!" She screamed. Kakyuu's eyes widened.   
  
"Seiya, stop it!"  
  
"Stop what?!" Seiya mocked Kakyuu in her voice. "Stop causing you to slowly but surely become **HORRIFIED**?!" Kakyuu grabbed Seiya's hands, keeping her from lashing her arms around.   
  
"Seiya, calm down!" Kakyuu bit her lip, worry sparking in her crimson eyes, as Seiya leaned back against the wall numbly and parted her lips slowly, chuckling. Kakyuu began to loathe the devilish grin that toyed at the corners of Seiya's lips. "Please…"  
  
"'Please' she says," Seiya muttered, almost breaking to the point of hysterical laughter. "Why don't get on your fucking **KNEES **and **BEG**?" Kakyuu stared in shock at Seiya.   
  
"Seiya, let's go. Right now. You have an important appointment to attend to."  
  
"Oh yes," Seiya said with mock excitement. "The session of pumping me full of medications and talking to a man who **wishes **he understood what I was talking about. I wouldn't miss that for the fucking world!" Kakyuu winced at the sarcasm oozing out of Seiya's words. But she simply continued to pull Seiya like an older sibling dragging an unwilling younger sister into something she didn't want to do at all. Kakyuu sighed heavily, ignoring the odd looks received from other nurses who held small medication cups in their hands. She glanced at the door next to her, and looked up, thanking whatever God there may be that she didn't have to drag Seiya any more.  
  
"Here we are."   
  
"It's not like I don't know the place," she snapped indignantly. Kakyuu knocked on the door, putting her hand on the knob when she heard a muffled 'come in'. Kakyuu turned and faced Seiya.  
  
"Please, be civil." Seiya snorted and burst out in laughter and Kakyuu shook her head, opening the door. "Doctor Kawamoto, Seiya Kou is here for her session." The doctor nodded and glanced at Seiya over Kakyuu's shoulder.  
  
"We shouldn't be long. Come back in an hour," he said. Seiya's eyes trailed after the petite nurse as she walked out of the room, shutting the door behind herself. "Please, do sit down." Seiya sighed and walked to the chair, a sudden helpless feeling washing over her. 

* * * *

Kakyuu put peroxide on the gauze pad and glanced at the woman's arm, briefly wincing at the sight. "I'm sorry if this pains you," Kakyuu murmured. The girl simply stared forward, facing the outside world, no emotion etching on her face at all. For what seemed like an eternity captured within a mere two seconds, she slowly opened her mouth and mouthed the words silently. Kakyuu sighed.  
  
_I don't feel pain…  
  
_"How did you get these wounds, Taiki? How long did it take you?" The auburn hair-colored girl turned and faced Kakyuu, her long bangs framing and falling in her face.   
  
"Just clean them. It does not matter how long it had taken me to claw out that wound." Kakyuu nodded slowly and dabbed the gauze pad over the deep gash. She glanced up at the younger girl, the only signs she was alive being the twirl of the black feather between her two fingers on her other hand, and the steady – yet shallow – rise and fall of her chest. 

* * * *

"Seiya, what have you seen lately?" Seiya lazily regarded the psychotherapist.  
  
"You truly want to know?" she asked. Dr. Kawamoto nodded. Seiya snickered and smirked coldly. "I saw your blood carcass on my wall," she said sarcastically. The therapist sighed.  
  
"Please, Seiya, please cooperate."  
  
"You all plead to me as if I'm God."  
  
"Seiya, just tell me," he said, a slight hint of annoyance in his voice.   
  
"I don't feel like telling you anything," she muttered. He sighed and closed his eyes.  
  
"I can't help y-"  
  
"You never helped me in the first place!" she snapped. She stamped her foot on the ground for emphasis of her words. "You will **never** **understand**, you will **never know **what goes inside my head, you always **wish you understood me**!" She bent over and dug her fingers in her thick mane of black hair, clutching her head. "None of you understand, **none of you understand**! None of you will **ever** understand! You think I'm **insane**, you dub me **insane**! I am **not **insane! I'm **perfectly** down to this earth!" Dr. Kawamoto sighed.   
  
"Seiya, calm down," he said as Seiya pulled her legs up and rested her forehead against her knees.

"You will never understand…"


	3. Forever

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The Art of Falling Apart

By: Ashma Daeva

****

Note/Disclaimer: Everything in _italics_ are characters thoughts. I own none of the Sailormoon characters.  
**Warnings:** Alternate Universe **|** Shoujo-ai [Kakyuu/Seiya] **|** Mild Language **|** Insanity-provoked

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Chapter 003 | **[**Forever**]  
*** * *

"Calm down," she muttered. "Why don't you people tell me something else besides 'calm down'?" She lifted her head, her blue eyes piercing and seemingly staring straight through the psychotherapist. "You give the most STUPID reasoning statements." Seiya lifted her hand and began smacking her head to emphasize the stupidity of the moment. She shot up from her chair a moment later and burst out laughing cheerfully. "Oh dear, I must have alarmed you!" Dr. Kawamoto stared at her in bewilderment, the pen in his hand beginning to slack in his grip.   
  
"Seiya, sit."  
  
"Am I your **dog** too?!" Seiya perked her eyebrows in mock amusement and swung open the door. "They laugh at you!" she cried behind herself and ran down the hallway. She smiled to herself and dropped to her knees on the tiles that bathed in the morning's sun. She giggled to herself and put her hands over her temples. "Dog, no! That can't be!" She fell back against the floor and closed her eyes. "I'm a doll! Yes, yes! A doll! One that has black patent leather shoes with cute little snaps and pale blue dresses that don't even have a crease! A doll! A doll with some **sanity**!"  
  
"Seiya?" Seiya's blue eyes snapped open and she sat up, gazing into Kakyuu's red ones. "What are you doing? Shouldn't you be at your app-"  
  
"No, no! Dolls don't need appointments!" Seiya shouted at the top of her lungs in a childish voice. She got to her feet, her white shirt creased and the faint taint of brown lingered on her back of dust. "Dolls don't need pills! Dolls don't need sedatives! Dolls are happy, aren't they?! Why am I n-" Kakyuu put her hand over Seiya's mouth, her lips pursed slightly in worry.  
  
"Seiya, please," she said softly. "You are not a mindless doll. You a human being." She could feel Seiya's chuckled under the palm of her hand and she bit her cherry-tainted lip. "A bright, marvelous human being," she murmured, pulling her hand away from the younger girl's lips. Seiya's tense muscles under her skin smoothed out, he expression changing from childish to emotionless. "Seiya?"  
  
"I need to lay down…"  
  
"Are you-"  
  
"Just take me to my room!" Seiya snapped. "I don't remember where it is," she muttered. Kakyuu sighed and grabbed Seiya's arm, leading the girl down the hall quietly. Seiya obediently walked behind Kakyuu, wincing every now and then.   
  
_Marvelous she says.  
  
Bright? Don't let that one dig into your head too much, my dear. Bright is what you are not.   
  
_"Stop," Seiya said in the faintest of whispers. Kakyuu looked up and stared helplessly at her patient.   
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Nothing," Seiya said curtly. "Nothing at all…"  
  
_It's **always** nothing. **Helpless. Child.  
  
**_Seiya winced again, lifting a shaky hand to her temple, her eyes fixed and almost fascinated of the white tiles.  
  
_We tell you time and time again. You're useless.   
  
I bet that puny little nurse that holds to you so tightly like you're a child even thinks you're useless.  
  
She's acting like a mother because… Well, let's put this kindly. **You. Don't. Have. One.**   
  
She probably feel obligated. Obligated to take care of you. Obligated to to cart you around everywhere.  
  
Sheer pity.  
  
Nothing less, nothing more.   
  
Oh, dear child, why don't you **weep**?!  
  
_"I," Seiya choked out.  
  
_You probably don't know how to.   
  
You're as helpless and ill as a lamb without its mother.  
  
That's what you are. **A helpless, lost, innerly-childish lamb with no mommy.  
  
**_"Stop it!" Seiya jerked her arm from Kakyuu's grip and the redheaded woman look up at Seiya's face, trying to distinguish the horror from the sadness.   
  
"Stop what?" Seiya shook her head slowly, backing away from Kakyuu. Kakyuu took a slow step toward her patient, licking her lips. _I don't want to alarm her more than she is,_ she thought to herself. Seiya just shook her head again, more rapid than the last time.   
  
"Keep away from me!" Seiya turned her back and ran from Kakyuu, shoving other nurses out of her way.  
  
"Seiya!" Kakyuu stared after the girl in shock.  
  
_Forever, forever, forever, Seiya.  
  
Forever you will listen to all of us.  
  
_"No," Seiya whimpered. "Forever is too long," she said, slowly coming to a halt, tears bitterly streaming down her cheeks. "Leave me alone. Forever is too long…"


End file.
